When....?

When does it stop? When do I finally get it?

I have prayed and begged, read my Bible, studied the scripture, sought advice from wiser, more godly men and women....when will I finally get it and start to feel like I am becoming the woman God wants me to be.

I am so wretched and sinful, selfish and angry and easily led astray. I hate those things about me that keep me from my God.

I am jealous of my friends who are pregnant...so much that it is hard for me to go to baby showers. All I can think about is the loss of my recent pregnancy (not so recent anymore...April 2010, but it is still so fresh and painful). Why can't I just be happy with the 3 wonderful children I have, and be happy for my friends who are experiencing this wonderful blessing from God? What is wrong with me?

I am so selfish with my husband....I expect so much of him, and he gives so much as it is, but I want more. What is wrong with me, why can't I see the blessing God has given me in a husband who cares for our children and works and goes to school? Why must I demand more and how much is enough?

I know that my walk with God is a continual journey and that I will never be "good enough", but will I ever feel less wretched, will I ever stop feeling worthless? When will I feel compassion and love instead of jealousy and anger?

Fruits of the Spirit

I have recently been struggling with a situation at work that has exposed me to some negative attitudes in the workplace. I have long suffered with how to bring my faith into my work life. I often feel as though I have a split personality....Corporate Meridath & Regular Meridath. But Pastor Tim said something on Sunday that made me realize that the best way to show my faith and God's love at work is through the Fruits of the Spirit as outlined in Galatians 6:22-23.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering,

kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

gentleness, self-control.

Against such there is no law."

We can't always quote scripture, or pray in public, or even give our testimony of God's love to those we work with. But we can live according to His instructions and by doing so, people see that we are set apart from the rest of society. These characteristics usually result in the opposite reaction of what people have come to expect. When an employee breaks the rules or fails to perform at the expected level and we react with anger and retribution, that is what they expect from the world; but if we react with gentleness and self-control, it is not what they expect and they will possibly want to know what makes us different.

I know I have a lot of work to do on myself to make sure that I exhibit these qualities in the workplace, but I am so grateful to God for providing me a guide to show me the way.

Gentle Reprimands

We are studying the Doctrine of Sin on Sunday mornings at church and today's verses, Genesis 3:8-9 hit home with me in regards to how we deal with our children and reprimanding them for mistakes and misbehavior.

"And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, 'Where are you?'." -Genesis 3:8-9

How often do we react in anger and frustration when our children sin? I know in my house, more often than not, we quickly react with angry words, raised voices and negative attitudes to our children's transgressions. But God did not react that way to Adam and Eve...he was calm and quiet. He sought them out and gently asked "Where are you?"...knowing full well they were hiding in shame. Should we not treat our children the same way? Calmly and gently seeking them out, clearly explaining what their transgression was and firmly applying appropriate consequences.

Proverbs 22:3 says "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Training means to teach and explain, to educate; we must gently teach our children the correct way to live by calm and firm reinforcement. Ephesians 6:4 tells us "and you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." Anger breeds more anger and eventually resentment. If we react to our children, who are young and impressionable, with anger, that is what we will teach them and eventually they will grow to resent us for it.

I was troubled by an episode I recently witnessed between a mother and small child where the child came to her mother with tears of remorse for something she had done wrong and her mother's response was to react by spewing words of anger at her. Later, after putting the child in time out, the mother was kind and sweet explaining that the child had done wrong and had to pay the consequences of her actions. But I wonder what lesson that child really learned? I am by no means judging anyone for how they choose to parent or punish their children and I am certainly guilty of reacting with angry words, but seeing it outside of my home brought my own transgression of anger into clear focus.